What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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