My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
