I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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