you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize