Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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