i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
