I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My pussy is not your playground.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
