very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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