Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
