what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
