Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
