woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
