Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
