singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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