went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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