Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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