You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
