my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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