Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
