She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
