How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
