so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize