After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize