There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
