I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
