I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
