wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
