My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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