I think im going to throw up on grandma
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
