u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so that wasnt chicken after all
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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