what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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