Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
