I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
