his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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