you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
so much tequila, so little girl.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
