Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
