Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
