Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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