Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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