So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
