I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
