I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This is the high leading the old right now
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
