new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
