woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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