One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
