why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
