i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
