Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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