so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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