My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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