Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
