Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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