You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Terrible idea I love it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
