I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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