His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
