I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
