Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The best revenge is premature balding
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
