Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
