apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize