Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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