bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
