Someone shit on the floor
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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