Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize