Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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