Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
