What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
