NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
