weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
