My nipple is on Facebook.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
