My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
