you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
