He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it's like iHOP with fire
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
