yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
