I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
