awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize