I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my shit smells like andre
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
