im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Never joke about your clitoris.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
