would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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