i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
