we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
