Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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