ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
