I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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