Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My dick has a subreddit
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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