Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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