i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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