you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
