This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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