I must be too annoying 4 u.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
