that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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