I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
