I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
