I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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